So I have realised that blogging regularly is not my strong point. In fact I am terrible at blogging regularly.
But I am going to commit myself to writing a “Year In Review” series which I will work on, and post, in the next couple of weeks. What led me to this is an incredible year of learning… followed by some mandatory time off. Time that I didn’t know I would need to take off.
I have had such a wonderful year. Moving to the USA by myself, pretty much straight out of high school. Plunging myself face first into the world of contemporary ballet (which if I am completely honest, I didnt know a lot about before I arrived at LINES, I just knew I liked watching it), and an entirely different education system. Meeting some friends that I know will be there for life, sharing beautiful moments with inside and outside the studio.
Then, after two semesters of college my plan for the summer was … SF>AKL>NYC>MTL>SF! A quick visit home before a summer of dance. A summer that I was super excited about and that I knew would have a huge impact on me as a dancer. However, while I managed to make all of my stops (including a month at the American Ballet Theatre’s Collegiate Program), my summer of dance has been cut short by my body running out of steam.
I think, as a dancer, almost all of our training has taught us that time off is some sort of weakness. Something that will put you further behind. In a hyper-competitive industry, someone will be gaining an advantage if you take time off. Or so that is what we are told. WE MUST WORK AT 100% ALL THE TIME.
I’m going to make a bold call for a moment.
That thinking is bullshit.
That thinking is why dancers have been beholden to short careers.
The sad thing is, I think that most of us know this. In a job where you are expressing your physicality for 40+ hours a week, if you are working at 100% every day you won’t actually fulfill your potential; as an athete or an artist. But sometimes its hard to learn that in its practical sense, especially as a young dancer.
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After the first week of the San Francisco Conservatory Summer Program I felt incredibly exhausted. I really shouldn’t have, or so I thought. I had just finished another intensive and I felt as fit as I have ever been. I also had swollen glands, a really sore throat, a constant headache, I was sensitive to light and my body was beginning to be covered by a rash.
The first day of the second week, I went to class, feeling really quite ill. On the bus home I sent pictures of the rash to my parents, who immediately wanted me to see a doctor. Luckily my incredible friend Izzie, at a moment notice, picked me up from the bus to take me to the hospital. Within an hour I had given blood tests and had a lumber puncture (something I had already experience when I had my run in with viral meningitis a couple of years ago).
Very long story short, my adrenals and nervous system were shot. I had pushed my body too hard and I needed to take a break. My priority had to be being well rested for the start of Sophomore year.
To this day, my hands are shedding skin, as my body reminds me that I need a little more rest before I can push myself hard again.
Don’t get me wrong, dance is something that requires incredible commitment and constant hard work. I’m not about to say that we shouldn’t work hard. Because we should.
But we also need to be receptive.
Last semester, in a discussion with our incredibly talented Juniors (the third years, for you non-Americans) they said something which I completely relate to now. Dancers need to know that they can explore their bodies and learn as much from working at 75% as they can when they are working at 100%, as long as it is a conscious decision to keep learning. You can keep learning in your downtime. I think many of us have experienced the feeling the day after you have learnt choreography, where all of a sudden the movement just seems to fit your body better after you have had a chance to sleep on it. Perhaps we need to be more generous to our bodies. Perhaps we need to realise that after 16 years of dance, although our minds are incredibly resilient, our bodies are only human.
Having to withdraw from a program that I was so excited about was heartbreaking. To be entirely honest, I felt like a big fat failure. On reflection, however, I am excited about the chance to let my body catch up with all the learning I have done over the last 12 months.
I am itching at the bit to return to LINES in a few weeks. That is the way I want to return to school, ready to tackle everything that Sophomore year will through that my amazingly talented class from August 25th.
Ka mate te kāinga tahi, ka ora te kāinga rua
When one house dies, a second lives
